After King of Kong Turn These Crazy Gaming History Moments into Musicals

first_imgStay on target Sorry, You Can’t Date Keanu Reeves in ‘Cyberpunk 2077”Star Wars Pinball’ Has Your Favorite Brand in Ball Form Video game movies have mostly been trash, but maybe a good old-fashioned Broadway musical is the right medium for adapting the absurd bombast of interactive entertainment. I can’t tell you how much thought I’ve put into how a Metal Gear Solid musical should go. We’ll find out gaming’s stage show potential soon enough when King of Kong, the acclaimed 2007 documentary showing the Donkey Kong rivalry between Steve Wiebe and awful hot sauce magnate Billy Mitchell, becomes a musical.If The King of Kong of the Opera is a hit, perhaps we should turn our attention away from the games themselves and toward gaming history when it comes to adaptation. The real-life, multi-billion-dollar gaming industry is often times more absurd than even the strangest Mario acid trip. Just go watch Jack Thompson/Rockstar TV movie drama The Gamechangers again. And the relatively low-stakes can lead to high, petty drama that borders on operatic. Here are some suggestion for crazy moments in gaming history we think would make for great musicals.The Perfect Street Fighter ParryThe Street Fighter III match from the 2004 EVO tournament between Daigo and Justin Wong might be the most famous moment in fighting game history. The stars of the fighting game community are already larger than life. So why not have them sing? And imagine the intricate choreography of having actors reenact this perfect parry onstage.Indie Game: The Movie: The MusicalIndie Game: The Movie is full sensitive artists pouring their dreams into their work, hoping against hope for the best. It has its fair share of villains, too, like Phil Fish’s partner and Jonathan Blow’s pretension. Sounds like the right ingredients for a soulful indie musical. The Super Meat Boy Symphony!The Nintendo PlayStationDid you know Nintendo originally planned to team up with Sony to release the PlayStation as a CD add-on for the Super Nintendo? Did you also know that Nintendo publicly betrayed Sony by canceling the partnership onstage to make the terrible Philips CD-i instead? That’s Shakespearean stuff, betraying a friend and creating your own worst enemy. Now set it to song.The Sega SagaThere are too many dramatic Sega moments to count. From the bloody Genesis-Super Nintendo War to the surprise Saturn launch to the tragic death of the Dreamcast. The only option is to retell the history of Sega in as many epic, Wagnerian acts as it takes. And throw in some Sonic music for good measure.Miyamoto’s InspirationsShigeru Miyamoto isn’t shy about the fact that many of his hobbies have inspired his groundbreaking Nintendo games. Nintendo even had to slap a gag order on him to maintain secrecy. So imagine a whimsical biography musical about Miyamoto exploring caves, playing with dogs, gardening, getting married, and riding the train before creating hits like Zelda, Nintendogs, Pikmin, Star Fox, and Super Mario Bros. Call up that Zelda Symphony of the Goddess orchestra that’s been touring for years now.Breaking Up the Rock BandConsidering how rhythm games dominated the market for several years, and that they are already inherently musical, a musical about music games seems like a no-brainer. So how about a show about the breakup that led the former Guitar Hero developers at Harmonix to strike out on their own with Rock Band.Kojima v KonamiYou can choose to read the Metal Gear games themselves as metaphors for Hideo Kojima’s increasing dissatisfaction at Konami. But now that the ridiculous and audacious gaming auteur is longer at the company, no one has time for subtlety. Kojima’s firing from a company barely interested in game development anymore was one of the most shocking but expected scandals in recent gaming history. And the story already has a perfect love interest in the form of Geoff Keighley.Denis Dyack: Too HumanHow do you go from making some of the most acclaimed GameCube games of all-time to arguing on NeoGAF that journalists thinking your mediocre game in mediocre will destroy society? Oh, and then you lose a lawsuit you started and have to destroy all copies of said mediocre game? Just ask former head of Silicon Knights and current maniac Denis Dyack. Or let him sing it to you. All proceeds will go to the Shadow of the Eternals crowdfunding campaign.The Crash of ‘83We begin with an old man in New Mexico shoveling one last pile of dirt on the E.T. 2600 landfill. A child asks him what he is doing. The old man starts to sing a wonderful song of a youthful and beautiful video game industry brought down by its own hubris and rushed bad licensed games. But just as we’re mourning the art that could have been, hope appears in the form of the NES.Square Enix Can’t FinishModern Final Fantasy characters already have the high emotions of Broadway characters, and outfits Broadway costume designers would die for. So make a musical about the man most responsible for those belts and zippers: Tetsuya Nomura. How do you make that dramatic? Oh and I don’t know, how about dramatizing the fact that he takes decades to finish games with hype beyond belief that must prop up the entire company. No biggie.Xbox One Kills DRM, ItselfThe Xbox One shot itself in the foot with its original always-online, anti-consumer DRM plan. Even though those plans were hastily scrapped before launch, the console has still been bleeding ever since. This is inarguably one of the craziest moves ever pulled by a major video game company, and a musical about the behind-the-scenes drama would be legitimately fascinating.The Great Gizmondo CaperNot a tech blog, the Gizmondo was an awful failed Game Boy competitor featuring games like Sticky Balls and Momma Can I Mow The Lawn? It was also a scam pulled off by Swedish mobsters who were eventually exposed in high-speed car chases. Why isn’t this already a musical?last_img

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